skeetonmischa and thediaryofsuricruise (different tumblrs, same man. he runs a few other tumblrs, too. some having to do with sports and things with teams. or something else not nearly as interesting to me as suri cruise.)
Cut holes for your arms and legs in a Hefty trash bag in such a manner so that the opening cinches around your neck. Fill the bag with crumpled up pieces of paper before you tie it. Congratulations, you are now a bag of trash. (Not recommended if there is a Halloween killer in your neighborhood. The Hefty bag cinch ties will only aid him/her in choking you.)
Wear a power suit. Congratulations, you are yourself in an alternate reality, the one wear you actually went to college and/or majored in something useful. Or Barney Stinson, if you are a guy.
Safety pin a towel onto the back of your shirt. Congratulations, you are now the superhero you always wanted to grow up to be.
Wrap yourself in silver mylar. Congratulations, you are now a leftover. Or a Chipotle burrito. (Note: actual aluminum foil is very hard to get to stay on your body/clothes. I have tried.)
Get a white sheet. Cut holes for your eyes. Congratulations, you are a ghost. Or go further and cut holes all over the sheet. Congratulations, you are now Charlie Brown as a ghost a la It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.
Get a sheet. Wrap it around yourself like a toga. Carry a red plastic cup. You are now a frat boy. Extra points if you say “brah” and do keg stands all night.
Gentlemen, two words for a simple and quick last minute costume: Risky Business
Ladies, dress up like a slutastic hooker. When asked what you are, reply with “your mom last night.”
I am not wearing make-up in half of the GPOYW photos I post, because half of the time I am not wearing make-up. Because I am lazy. And because I am not going to put on my face for photos/events/whatever around my apartment. That’s just silly. Outside of the apartment is a different story and the boy is forever telling me I don’t need make-up. This is true. I also believe it to be true that he does not like waiting for me to put make-up on.
I’ve gotten off topic here. Where I originally intended to go with this post was to say that all you ladies are BEE-A-YOU-TEE-FULL so if that picture is cute/funny/hilarious/interesting but your face ain’t painted, thumb your nose at the make-up gods and post it for my enjoyment. In a purely non-creepy manner, of course.
friends I hadn’t seen in forever, parents visiting, mom coming back and visiting, the 10 years and counting friend and her fiance staying at casa de garvin, driving through Bakersfield (my place of birth), staying at my childhood home, seeing siblings, and holding my baby nephew. Next weekend, Halloween and the Sparkle of a Roommate’s birthday!
“Star Wars.” I have to admit when I see the “”Star Wars” version” of things I do get a little excited. You know what I’m talking about? Like the Call of Duty mods that let you play the game as StormTroopers? That would have been dope on “Goldeneye” for Nintendo 64.
Speaking of which, why isn’t “Goldeneye” on Xbox Live? Rare and Microsoft need to figure that out or someone needs to make a bootleg version somehow. Wait, what’s that sound? Oh, it’s the sound of any girl that was interested in sleeping with me changing her mind.
I agree, Aziz Ansari. Goldeneye was the only first person shooter game (or any game) I ever got good enough at so that brother didn’t beat me EVERY time. And the awards at the end are genius. I pretty much was awarded stuff like “most reckless” or “stupidest” because even if I was unarmed I’d charge right at the other player and start slapping them, often times yelling out loud. And then my screen would fill with my blood. Blaze of glory, people. Blaze. of. Glory.
Sometimes living in Hollywood is like living in any other city, except with more pollution and more traffic. And sometimes the forces of chance and awesomeness collide and create an enigmatic fold in the fabric of reality that I still cannot wrap my brain around.
Over at Buttercup Brunch, a commenter has composed her own list of men to avoid dating for the holidays. Frankly, I’m surprised it took so long.
(Please note that I didn’t write this, and really didn’t even read it all that closely. I’m John Carney, and I do not endorse this message. I just thought that people who liked my list would like to read a response from a girl.)
1. Avoid any man who uses emoticons. He is not straight. 2. Avoid men who claim to have ski homes. They are using this as a front for all of the weekends when they dont’ want to hang out with you. 3. Avoid any man who reads Perez Hilton. He’s yappier than a yorkie on a tight leash. 4. Avoid any man who uses hair gel. There will be other sticky situations on your hands in time - you don’t want to start with the hair. 5. Avoid any man who doesn’t cry. He’s three weeks away from a mental breakdown. 6. Avoid any man who thinks girls don’t poop. He’ll be shocked when you are, in fact, a real human. 7. Avoid any man who won’t help you carry heavy things. He has no purpose. 8. Avoid any man who expects sexual gratification after even a drink. He hasn’t gotten laid in months. 9 . Avoid any man who is over 6′5″. Too much human. 10. Avoid any man who only wears skinny black jeans. In spite of the masses in skinny black jeans, he thinks he is unique. The self-delusion does not bode well. 11. Avoid men in pointy shoes. On a date, two people with sore feet is one person too many. 12. Avoid any man who is or was a college athlete. He thinks he is The Sun God. 13. Avoid any man who tells you when he is going to kiss you. He is insecure and you will pay for it. 14. Avoid any man who buys you a charm for a necklace, but no chain. He can’t do anything right. 15. Avoid any man who has ever spent time with a woman who excessively self-tans. The chemicals have gone to his head. 16. Avoid any man that watches what he eats more than you do. You will have no one to eat steak with because he will only take you to salad and sushi places. 17. Avoid any man who still has floppy, curly hair over the age of 22. He sleeps in He-Man pajamas. 18. Avoid any man who claims his last break up with amicable. He is a liar. 19. Avoid any man who is an insomniac. The crazy late-night emails will get old fast. 20. Avoid any man who drives a flashy car. Not for compensation reasons - though they may be true - but because he isn’t going to let you drive it. Accept that now. 21. Avoid any guy whose friends already know details about your life. He picked out your future children’s names before you went on a date. 22. Avoid any self-proclaimed playboys. They probably wear hairgel, anyway. 23. Avoid any man with a tribal armband tattoo. He is a mirage from 1998. 24. Avoid any man who makes an exaggerated point of being Irish. He thinks he is a character from The Departed. 25. Avoid any man who writes music. He doesn’t go outside enough. 26. Avoid any man who gets visibly uncomfortable around children. He has no soul. 27. Avoid any man who hates Sex and the City. He is intimidated by female friendships. 28. Avoid any man who lives in your building. Have you ever seen The Real World? 29. Avoid any man who has a crush on Pam from the Office. He’ll be intimidated if you are a. coherent, or b. not plain. 30. Avoid any man who have gotten into a great school, been offered a great job, or awarded an honor - but then turned it down. He will work this into every conversation you have. It will annoy the shit out of you. 31. Avoid any man who asks you to wear flats. He has a Naploeon complex. 32. Avoid any man who doesn’t think women are funny. He beats puppies. 33. Avoid men who liked 300. 34. Avoid any man who sends testy text messages. He has no balls. 35. Avoid any man who picks up a guitar and sings to you when you are in a room. He doesn’t want a girlfriend, he wants an audience. 36. Avoid any man who has artifacts from his past relationship scattered around his apartment. You don’t want each visit to be like a paleontology dig, wondering what you will discover next. 37. Avoid any man who you describe as “endearing.” He’s weird and you’re lonely.