August 2009
81 posts
Touche'
me: i'm taller than you!
mom: well, my boobs are bigger.
1 tag
Fact:
I am addicted to Trader Joe’s Black Cocoa Almonds
1 tag
I Think...
I really need this house sitting gig to be over. Living with two cats has made me obsessed. I’m sure my friends and family are ready for me to STOP TALKING ABOUT CATS.
“The only way to do it is to do it.”
– Merce Cunningham
“An art process in not essentially a natural process; it is an invented one. It...”
– Merce Cunningham, who passed away three days ago at the age of ninety.
July 2009
63 posts
1 tag
True Story
As a child I was on the verge of obsession with various interests including, but not limited to, origami, sign language, arts and crafts, reading, pretending all my dolls and stuffed animals were real and tending to their every need, Oregon Trail, memorizing poems/speeches/books, and making up songs/stories/lies.
How did my mother ever survive summer vacation?
And, NO, tumblr, I do NOT want to...
1 tag
True Story
I finally made a folder at work for referrals labeled “Little-to-No Hope.” Depressing.
1 tag
“Is it like the food is hugging you?”
– the boy, to me, regarding my constant snacking and possible food addiction.
“It was not a relationship. It wasn’t even a friendship. It was a ship,...”
– This Cool Chick
1 tag
True Story
I accidentally got a man kicked out of Pavilions earlier this evening for public intoxication. Oops!
But seriously, he was VERY angry at me for not taking his <expletive> <expletive> free Starbucks sample. He did not work for the Starbucks there. He did not work at Pavilions or any of the businesses affilated with that location. It was like being badgered by a man to let him buy you a...
Fact:
I’m going to need someone to shake me awake when the apocalypse comes, otherwise, I’ma gonna sleep right through it. And it should only take a few solid minutes of attempting to rouse me before I respond. This means that if the end of the world as we know it comes when I am asleep, I WILL DIE.
Balls.
“I want to wrap the nineties around me like a blanket”
– someone I know, while watching “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”
I just bought a dress at a thrift store that I’m fairly certain only exists because somebody made it as a Raggedy Anne costume. Maybe someday you’ll see a photo.
1 tag
Currently:
watching Ghoulies IV with the boyz. Just watched Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight. So far the credit sequence of Ghoulies IV is one tenth of the total length of the movie. AWESOME.
Confession:
Last night I saw Eric Bana, and I sort of wanted to just grab him and gaze into his eyes. And maybe other stuff, but YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!
1 tag
“Glitter was way ahead of its time”
– Mariah Carey
“Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies”
– Demetri Martin
A grown man referring to his baby, Jack, as “the Jackalope” might just be the cutest thing I’ve heard this week. uh-door-uh-bowl!
I just discovered Yogurtland has cookie dough bits as a topping. There goes my checking account and my waistline.
“There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me...”
– Carl Sandburg
1 tag
Fact:
I am addicted to watching “FRIENDS” on DVD as comforting background noise.
My best friend once told me, that although I have baggage, “that shit is like Fendi” and it looks damn good on me.
why is every audition notice I get for a vampire role with nudity?
1 tag
Currently:
attempting to clean the kitchen after my sad sad baking attempt earlier today. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to put a strawberry filling in between two round cakes to make a layer cake when the cake is too moist. Unless you are HIGHLY skilled, you will be left with a heaping mound of cake bits, berries, glaze, and chocolate frosting. Which is of course DELICIOUS but messy and impossible to...
1 tag
Confession:
I have OCD when it comes to my toenails. I cannot stand the thought of them being dirty. Or the idea of them being too long. I trim them probably more often than any other human being and keep them as short as possible. Also, they are currently well-manicured with a sparkly, summery gold polish. Except for the one toe that I whacked on the leg of the couch oneday prior to having my coffee. But...
1 tag
Confession:
I am obsessed with having well-shaped, well-groomed eyebrows. If you see me with stray hairs up there, this can only mean one thing: my life is undeniably OUT OF CONTROL. The chaos/depression caused by that is the only thing that can come between me and the perfect brow.
1 tag
Currently
baking a chocolate cake. and attempting to make a strawberry filling for it. so far I have been successful in coating the front of my shirt and the kitchen floor and counters with various baking ingredients. this is highly normal.
1 tag
Currently:
Renewing my love affair with Ripley the cat after watching the Asylum film “Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus,” which was about as good as you’d expect it to be.
1 tag
I Think...
that I am slowly losing my mind because I have started talking to the bf’s rocking sheep that is on my balcony. Carl (the rocking sheep) is a good listener, but has a distinctly shifty look, as if he’s plotting something mildly sinister. If I die in the night, blame Carl.
(Yes, I know there are so many things about this post that need explaining. But I’m not gonna just yet....
2 tags
Some Run-On Sentences About Love
Big whoop when someone I’m seeing can tell me things I already know about myself. I want someone who can tell me things I don’t know about myself. Like the fact that because I renamed all the neighborhood cats and hold conversations with them, I am a crazy cat lady. See, due to my unique upbringing I somehow thought this was normal behavior until a recent boyfriend pointed it out to me. Because of...
1 tag
Fact:
I talk to inanimate objects.
1 tag
Dear Dishwasher,
I have just heard a loud clunk type sound coming from the kitchen, since you are running I can only assume it came from you. I am about to go check. Please, please, please do not have spat out water and suds or have caused the garbage disposal to burp up gross water again. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FIXED. Please act accordingly.
See you soon,
Heidi
1 tag
True Story:
There’s this cat I know named Ripley with whom I used to be mildly obsessed, and with good reason. Aside from the fact that she is beautiful and adorable, I saw her pretty much every day, was lucky enough to have her choose my lap to curl up in on occasion, and even took her to the vet on behalf of her owner when she was sick. So as not to overly annoy the rest of humanity, I would share my...
2 tags
Confession:
I have discovered wild kittens living in the side yard of a house in Hollywood. I might be obsessed with them. This is because I am a future crazy cat lady.
1 tag
Dear Muscle in My Right Shoulder,
I am VERY aware that you exist. You do not need to keep reminding me. SIMMER DOWN! Thanks.
Love,
The Garvs
2 tags
True Story:
I used to work at a movie theater in Hollywood. Once, one of the patrons referred to me as “M’Lady.” I would have assumed he had a Renaissance Fair to attend later that day, then I remembered I was in Hollywood and people are weird. The End.
1 tag
Thought:
What if I post a picture of adorable animals and a ton of tumblrs hit the “like” button but then I edit it and change it to a picture of some type of carnage or make the caption say something like PUPPIES MUST DIE! will the “likes” still be there and will tons of people be listed as “liking” carnage or threats to puppies? Just a thought.
2 tags
While Playing Catchphrase
20 something year old guy #1: It's a Robert Redford movie...
20 something year old guy #2: The Horse Whisperer!
20 something year old guy #1: Yes! Wait, that was the FIRST Robert Redford movie you thought of??
4th of July has never been as grand for me as it was between the ages of 6 and 16. I lived on a cul-de-sac and every year we threw a block party, getting permission from the city to barricade off our street and go to town with festivities galore. There was a neighborhood potluck to which my mother always contributed her famous Old Settler’s Baked Beans and a giant bowl of potato salad. There...
