My Neuroses For Your Entertainment

Shortly after arriving at my parent’s house, I started to walk toward my bedroom…

Mom: I put a doll in your room

Me: Is it a scary doll?

Mom: No

Dad: Yes

Mom: It was my grandma’s. I’m going to give it to your Aunt Pam…

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

runs out of bedroom

Me:  YOU LIED! THAT IS A VERY SCARY DOLL!!!!

Dad: I didn’t lie

Me: No, but she did! 

Mom: It’s not scary.

Me: IT HAS NO EYES!

Mom: Yes, it does, they just fell out. They’re inside her head. Listen, you can hear them in there.

Me: NOT. HELPING.

Some parents turn their child’s room into a home gym. Or a study. My mother uses mine to store creepy, eyeless porcelain dolls from the early 1900s. Of course.